HOTRODS & CLASSICS

THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN

1.  Never, under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

2.  If you had to identify, in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and
     never will achieve its full potential that word would be 'meetings'

3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'

4.  People who want to share their religious views with you almost always never want to hear yours

5.  And when God who created the entire universe with all of its glories decides to deliver
     a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use as his messenger, a person on cable TV with
     a bad hairstyle.

6.  You should not confused your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it way too seriously

8.  When trouble arises, and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a
     solution and is willing to take command.  Very often, that individual is crazy.

9.   Nobody cares if you can't dance well, just get up and dance.

10.  Never lick a steak knife

11.  Take the fortune out before you eat the cookie

12.  The most powerful force in the universe is gossip

13.  You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we
       observe daylight savings time

14.  You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
      she is pregnant unless you can actually see a baby emerging from her at that very moment

15. There come a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about
      your birthday.  That time is age eleven

16.  The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status
       or ethnic background is that deep down inside we all believe we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them

18.  A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person

19. Your friends love you anyway

Thought if the day:  Never be afraid to try something new, remember that a lone amateur built
the Ark and a large group of professionals built the Titanic.

....... Dave Barry